People face different ways of losing their loved ones. Some people will be immersed in pain and various other emotions, while others will shift their attention as much as possible to avoid being overwhelmed by those emotions that are overwhelming. T...
People face different ways of losing their loved ones. Some people will be immersed in pain and various other emotions, while others will shift their attention as much as possible to avoid being overwhelmed by those emotions that are overwhelming. There is nothing wrong with both. In fact, both are necessary. We cannot get out of the situation immediately, nor can we bear such deep pain for a long time without letting ourselves take a breath. However, if we do not allow ourselves to feel that pain, we will not be able to get out of the situation. So what we have to do is: sometimes allow ourselves to feel that pain, sometimes do something that comforts us and shifts our attention, so that we can take a breath and recharge our body and mind (Stroebe & Schut, 1999).
How can we survive this period of troublesome, at a loss, and often indisorder after the death of the loved one?
William. William Worden (2011) believes that during the unintentional period, we can do four things:
1. Establish a way to accept the fact that the person who loves has passed away.
2. Set up methods to deal with your own emotions.
3. Design a suitable environment where the person you love is no longer there.
4. Design to keep in touch with the deceased in a new way, while doing a good job in life now.
Therefore, during this period, it is necessary for you to let yourself feel those emotions well. Sometimes those emotions will automatically appear without saying anything, but you can also go through active methods (such as watching a box full of memories from the past, or creating a monument to the deceased). Only in this way can you express your inner feelings and express them through conversation, writing or crying. When you feel you need to be withdrawn, you might as well turn your attention to something that can reduce stress reactions, and you can also use some methods to calm your mind. As for how to do it, there is no certain formula, because every person and every relationship are different, so the situations during the period are also different. The most important thing is that you need to find a safe way to restore your vitality after the mood of your life.
If we show an indecisive look after the passing of the person we love and never allow ourselves to be mourned, it may lead to several problems. One of them is that we need to work hard to maintain this model, so we have to keep busy and worry that once we stop, we will be overwhelmed by those emotions. So, we will gradually fall into a dilemma. First of all, we won't be able to rest because of this. Secondly, when that pain is too intense, the means we use to suppress pain may harm ourselves and our international relations. This is because if we lose links with some emotion of ourselves, we will lose links with all emotions.
1. Feel all emotions in the midst of the unintentional period, you must allow yourself to have all kinds of feelings. Including: expectation, anger, confusion, and even joy. When you are in a good mood, just smile. You can enjoy the feeling of warm sunlight shining on your face, and laugh when you hear others laugh. There is nothing to do with this. Allow yourself to enjoy life again. You may feel guilty at the beginning, which is normal. But just as you want to allow yourself to feel pain, you also have to make yourself happy. Both are very important. After a while, we can learn how we will live as usual. This does not mean that we forget the dead, because the love and connection between us and them will never disappear. 2. If you take a small step every day, don’t underestimate the power of a small step every day. If you have difficulty standing up and washing your face every day, then set your face washing every morning as your current goal. Set only one goal at a time, do what you can do, and then set up your methods to move forward. 3. Don’t have any expectations. If you expect what you should feel, what behavior you should show during the unpredictable period, or how long it should return to normal, it will only make yourself more difficult. The reason we have these expectations is that people in the past regarded the species of habits as a taboo topic and never discussed it. Because of these expectations, many people in the state of desperation think they are not normal, do things incorrectly, or think they are too weak, and feel deeply alone. Fortunately, several students have done creative research in this area, which has made us understand more about what a situation is and how to help ourselves through this period. In fact, the various feelings and emotional ups and downs we have during the period of life are normal phenomena. Because people in the past avoided talking about this problem, we were worried about whether we did something wrong. In fact, we should adopt a more helpful approach to ourselves, which is to care about ourselves and connect with others with kindness so that we can express our inner feelings without any scruples. 4. It is sometimes not easy to find trusted people to express their feelings. Some people will be very interested in complaining that some people are neither willing to speak nor know how to express it. If you want to complain about your feelings, you can find someone you trust and talk to. If you are worried that this will cause other people's burdens and make the other party feel unscrupulous (it is normal for you to have such a concern), you might as well make it clear to them directly. If the other party is your good friend, you will tell you how much they can do.If you can't open your mouth, you can use it. No matter what you think or what emotions you have, you can write it down. This can help you clear your thoughts and feelings. Only by setting up methods to deal with these painful feelings can we get out of our worries. Some people express it through painting, music, sports or poems. No matter which method, as long as it can make you ejaculate safely and express the pain in your heart, it is worth trying. If you don't know what to do, start with the way you first think about it, have worked for you in the past, or have been curious about it.
If you do not have a healer who guides you and keeps the boundaries of emotions for you, you can expel and express your feelings in your heart through this method. Sometimes you have to feel those emotions, sometimes you have to restrain yourself, sometimes you have to face them, and sometimes you have to fall over so that your body and mind can rest. Therefore, if you want to ejaculate and express those painful emotions, you must first build a safe network to restore normalcy.
5. Remember the deceased and continue to live. When you think of the deceased, you feel pain, but when you feel pain in life without them, you may feel that the two seem to be in conflict with each other. In other words: on the one hand, you need to deal with various responsibilities and obligations that follow in life, but on the other hand, as long as a memory clip appears in your brain, it will be unbearable.You want to live your old life, but you also want to keep in touch with them and don't want to forget them. But as time goes by, you will find that these two needs can actually be done without any contradictory. You can deliberately spend time and perform memorials for the deceased to continue your relationship. On the other hand, you can live in the present every day and work hard for your future.
To get out of your own mood, the most important thing is to face your own emotions, allow yourself to feel the pain, and set up ways to comfort and support yourself, then let go of those pains, accept the present situation, take care of your old life, and set up ways to make your tired body and mind able to get rest and nourish (Samuel, 2017)
6. The pain caused by the loss of love cannot be cured. We don't want to forget the people we love, want them to stay in our memory forever and feel the connection between us and them, so this pain never diminishes or disappears, but we can live with it with it (Rando, 1993). Many people find this concept helpful to them when they are undergoing psychological treatment. Although the deceased's position in our minds is still as important as before, so we will still feel pain from losing them, we can keep them in our hearts and let ourselves grow with that pain and create a life of intentionality and purpose.You can set up ways to remember the deceased, continue to feel the connection between you and each other, and continue to live. You will find that pain and joy, hope and intention are all part of life, and you have the ability to survive, and you can also get out of the depth of pain and continue to move forward by yourself.
7. Requesting experts to help or consulting providers or healers does not mean that you have any questions about the way you face the situation. To get through this painful period, we all need help from others, but not everyone has a person who can trust or reveal their worries. At this time, you might as well seek help from a psychologist. They have all been trained professionally. You can feel confident that you can vomit your pain to them, and they will give you some reliable help. They will help you understand your situation and use some tips to help you pass through your life safely. At the same time, they will also give you a further understanding of the situations you may face during the period of your life and listen to your heart. They won't be evasive, suggest, or try to solve your problem like others do. They know that people must face the pain of the disease before they can get out, and their job is to go through this period with you and give you some guidance when you need it. Mourn how the deceased gets out of the pain Tip:●You have to face pain to get out of the situation.
●It takes a while for us to adapt to the days when the person we love is no longer there.
●Even if the forms of the deceased have disappeared, we must still set up ways to keep in touch with them.
●Only by accepting the fact that loves has passed, can we continue to do the work that is important to us. During the daily life, it is normal no matter how you feel.
●As long as you take a small step at a time and keep moving forward, the situation will change.
※This article is excerpted from the Far-Liu Publishing House "Why No One Telled Me"
